Anxious
Today, I'm anxious, yesterday I was too, and the day before yesterday. Before that I was feeling fine, I don't know what happen, I just want to feel better. Last night I was having a lot of anxiety during the Metro trip, I started scratching my hands until the skin comes off, I just wanted to get home. When I finally arrived I put some Coltrane on my bedroom and I feel better. I think I just wanted to be in my House with my cat. I'm glad that music is always that think that make me feel better.
For anyone interested that reads this, I'm a composer, I'm finishing my career at the conservatoire and as far as I know, I'm very good at it, at least everyone tells me so, I have won some competitions and have some commissions from other musicians. I make a lot of music for myself too, I love electronic music, I like to write music in Ableton Live, and program some algorithmic music on Max/MSP, it's really fun to do.
Sadly sometimes my depression win, at the beginning of the year I almost quit forever my music career, same thing happened 2 years ago, but if I'm not a musician I just don't know what else I could do, Music is my life. Albert Camus wrote that the absurd man should not make an activity the way of living, but it is so hard when I been playing music since I had a memory. I started playing the clarinet in a Jazz band and Jams at bars and that help me recover the love to music. In the future when it gets bored I hope I find something new and exciting that help me find the love again.